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DAY 2: TOTAL FAILURE. | fresh.start


DAY 2: TOTAL FAILURE.
2nd November,2005 11.00pm:

DISASTROUS!
The demons rise up against me and I give in without a fight.

[Just got bounced off site with the message: 'Action no longer valid'. Had to log in again.
And I'm being beset by 'server failed to process' messages. Demons! I'm fed up and frustrated. I GIVE UP!!]


bye

11.00pm


This morning, because I was making a fresh start and because I was supposed to meet Maxine for the 1st time at work, I pushed myself to get up out of the bed.... but my still undried single uniform shirt became my first disappointment of the day. Because of it I was forced to take another day from work.

The rest of the day would continue with the same trend, including stopping by the bar for a drink and thinking my gambling was under control but ending up with another tab after I had already paid an enormous one the day before. I had to journey to the plaza to withdraw money I had originally not wanted to touch. Indeed I could have taken the money from the 15000 I have, hidden away, for Ava but out of principle I didn"t think it proper to touch that money which must be available for her the instance she needs it.

After coming from the plaza with the exact cash I am told by Judy that the figure she gave me was only my gambling tab and not my liquor tab.

:-(

Then the one good incidence of the day occured. Daley who was there with me earlier, returned with the $1000 I had loaned him, and almost forgotten about, a few weeks ago.

Nonetheless midnight finds me depressed, and feeling empty and void of the Spirit.



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