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+Funny Jokes+ | mr.sj11


+Funny Jokes+
HO HO HO
A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, ´When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip.´ So the next Sunday he took the monsignor´s advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon return to his office after mass, he found the following note on his door:

1. Sip the Vodka, don´t gulp.
2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior, and Spook.
8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him.
9. When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, don´t say he was stoned off his ass.
10. We do not refer to the cross as the Big T!
11. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, ´Take this and eat it, for it is my body´, he did not say, ´Eat me.´
12. The Virgin Mary is not reffered to as the, ´Mary with the Cherry´.
13. Next Sunday there will be a taffy-pulling contest at St. Peter´s, not a peter-pulling contest at St. Taffy´s.

Q. What do you call a zit on a blondes ass?
A. Brain tumor.

Q. What is the definition of blue tack?
A. Sperm with a cold.

Q. Whats red and lumpy with hairs on it?
A. Fanny Rash!

A man notices a blonde sucking on the bottom of a Coke can. Curious, he asks her what she is doing.

´Duh! It says for best taste drink by date on the bottom.´





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