This picture above kind of represents my heart. Its building up so so so much with emotions. Only one tho. And its building up so much and so intensely the pressure is immense and anytime now its gonna explode. Not literally. But i will just burst and all forms of emotions will rush out. Mainly hate, but a hell of a lot of love also. Plus envy, sorrow etc. I used to be such a happy soul but now (1st july) its beginning to fade. Even my happy drugs dont work anymore. The inner demon who is a life hating entity who feeds on making others lives hell and dull. This demon is part of me. All the supperessed stuff thats been held in is now about to rip out of me an probably hurt me pretty badly in the process.
If this demon that rips out causes lots of damage i wont bother tryin to struggle through it. Even though all that evil brought me and michelle really close i cant even take it again. My tolerance limit has reached. And im at breakin point again. For once i honestly have no idea what i am goin to do to help myself. I dont think i can thought. Its inevitable. I jus feel so low, so depressed, so down and i dont know whats made this happen so suddenly. What makes this worse is the way i am feeling will alert peoples attention and like before il get told im stupid and i hav my whole life ahead of me but wait this is life and how shìte it is. Also, there is one person who i never want to hurt but me feeling like this will hurt her. And when she is hurt so am i.
So im gonna b havin lots of pain channelled my way. Which i do not want. The only thing i can think to do is speak to people try n get them to help me but the odd thing is i dont no wat they hav to help me with, where do i start? Where do they start?? I fear loss. Its my only fear but such a great fear. And these feelings which will erupt out of my heart will either result in a huge loss and broken heart or a huge gain of pure happiness. Knowing my luck in this stuff it will be the first one. Right now im thinking that there is no point to even attempting to sort all this out. No way in hell do i own my life. My bloody feelings do and i hate it! So so so much!!!
