men have one
women use it
the pope does not use his
and nuns do not need one.
arnold schwarzenegger has a big one and michael j fox has a little one...
wot is it?
..a surname
how do you no santas a man?
1. he turns up late
2. drinks all your booze
3. emptys his sac
4. only c.u.m.s once
5. and fcuks off before you wake up!
a man walks into asda slaps his circomsised c.o.c.k on the counter and says.. i bet you cant roll that back?!
a cucmber. a pickle and a p.e.n.i.s were talking about life.
the cucmber says.. wen i get big and hard they chop me up and toss me in a salad.
the pickle says.. you.ve got it easy mate. wen i get big and hard they chop me up and drown me in vinegar
the p.e.n.i.s says.. lads thats nothing compared to what i go throu! wen i get big and hard they put a plastic bag over my head. shove me into a small warm damp cave and bang my head against a wall until i throw up and faint!!
eight ways vodka is better than a p.e.n.i.s..
1. vodka is always s.t.i.f.f
2. it doesnt look smaller wen its cold
3. it lasts as long as you want
4. it doesnt poke you in the back in the morning demanding attention
5. you dont care how far down your throat it goes
6. you can have as many as you want without being easy
7. you can enjoy vodka in front of your mum
8. vodka is always a pleasure to swallow
two tourists drove throu wales at Llanyfryddawellehynafolbarrcudprinnanfytif
they stop for lunch and 1 tourist asks a waitress.. before we order can you settle an argument for us?.. cud you pronounce were we are very slowly?.. waitress leans over and says..
burr-gerr-kinng
touch it gently. put 2 fingers inside. if its wide use 3 fingers. make sure its wet and rub up and down..
yep thats how you wash a cup!
THE LADiES PRAYER
our vibrators which brings us heaven.
rabbit be thy name. til kingdom come. thy makest c.u.m on earth with eyes on heaven.
give us this day our daily thrill. and forgive us our screams as we forgive flat batteries.
lead us not into temptation. but deliver us from frustration.
for thine is the the vibration. the power and the buzzing.
forever and ever
NO MEN!!
mr CADBURY met ms ROWNTREE in a room on QUALITY ST.
it was AFTER EIGHT and he turned out the light for a bit of BLACK MAGIC!
he slipped his hand in her SNICKERS and showed her his CURLY WURLY.
not keen to have any jelly babies. she let him take a trip up BOURNEVILLE boulevard.
she screamed with TURKISH DELIGHT!
as he took out his fun sized MARS BAR it felt a bit CRUNCHIE and she wanted some TIME OUT.
but he did a TWIRL and had a PICNIC in her PINK WAFERS!!
wot dus a dwarf get wen he runs throu a womans legs?
a c.l.i.t around the ear. a flap acros the face. and a crak on the head!
why r men like paving slabs?
once youve laid one u can walk all over them!
wot do men and cloud av in common?
once they fcuk off its usualy a nice day!
to satisfy a woman: caress! praise! pamper! humour! cuddle! hug! kiss! phone! smooch! charm! embrace! tease! LOVE her!
to satisfy a man: SUCK HIS KNOB!
7 men ov gud design made a p.u.s.s.y so divine. 1st a butcher full of wit, used a knife and made a slit. 2nd a carpenter big and bold, used a drill to bore a hole. 3rd a tailor tall and thin, used red velvet to line it in. 4th a hunter short and stout, used fox fur to line it owt. 5th a fisherman nasty as hell, threw in a fish and gave it a smell. 6th a vicar name of mcgee, felt it and blessed it and said it cud p.e.e. 7th a sailor a dirty old runt, suked it and fcuked it and called it a c.u.n.t!
