Ever wondered why?:
You never see the headline '' PSYCHIC WINS LOTTERY ''
Why you have to click on 'start' to STOP windows?
Why they are called 'apartments ' when they are all stuck together?
Why they state the obvious labels on items;
On packets of peanuts-' warning, may contain nuts'
On nytol sleep aid-'may cause drowsiness'!
On Boots CHILDRENS' cough medicine-'Do not drive......'
On ready made meals-'product will be hot after heating'
On crisps/chips packets-' you could be a winner. NO PURCHASE necesary. See INSIDE for details'
And on some frozen foods-serving suggestion 'defrost'.
Also:
A cockroach can live up to 9 days without its head.
Starfish have no brains
The strongest muscle in the body is the tounge.
In 1976, a Los Angeles secretary formally married her 50-pound pet rock.
In 1980, the Yellow Pages accidentally listed a Texas funeral home under frozen foods
People say "Bless you" when you sneeze because when you sneeze, your heart stops for a millisecond.
It is physically impossible for pigs to look up into the sky.
wonder....
Ø If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
Ø Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?
Ø If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?
Ø If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?
Ø Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Ø If horrific means to make horrible, does terrific mean to make terrible?
Ø Why is it called building when it is already built?
Ø If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?
Ø If you're not supposed to drink and drive, then why do bars have parking lots?
Ø If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite.
1. Money isn't made out of paper, it's made out of cotton.
2. The Declaration of Independence was written on hemp paper.
3. The dot over the letter i is called a "tittle".
4. A raisin dropped in a glass of fresh champagne will bounce up and down continuously from the bottom of the glass to the top.
5. Susan Lucci is the daughter of Phyllis Diller.
6. 40% of McDonald's profits come from the sales of Happy Meals.
7. 315 entries in Webster's 1996 Dictionary were misspelled.
8. The 'spot' on 7UP comes from its inventor, who had red eyes. He was albino.
9. On average, 12 newborns will be given to the wrong parents, daily.
10. Warren Beatty and Shirley MacLaine are brother and sister.
11. Chocolate affects a dog's heart and nervous system; a few ounces will kill a small sized dog, depending on the type of chocolate (really! petcaretips.net/chocolate-pois...soning-dog.html).
12. Orcas (killer whales) kill sharks by torpedoing up into the shark's
stomach from underneath, causing the shark to explode.
13. Most lipstick contains fish scales (eeww).
14. Donald Duck comics were banned from Finland because he doesn't wear pants.
15. Ketchup was sold in the 1830s as medicine.
16. Upper and lower case letters are named 'upper' and 'lower' because in the time when all original print had to be set in individual letters, the 'upper case' letters were stored in the case on top of the case that stored the smaller, 'lower case' letters.
17. Leonardo da Vinci could write with one hand and draw with the other at
the same time ... hence, multi-tasking was invented.
18. Because metal was scarce, the Oscars given out during World War! II
were made of wood.
19. There are no clocks in Las Vegas gambling casinos .. and in most establishments designed to fleece you.
20. The name Wendy was made up for the book Peter Pan; there was never a
recorded Wendy before!
21. There are no words in the dictionary that rhyme with: orange, purple,
and silver!
22. Leonardo Da Vinci invented scissors. Also, it took him 10 years to paint Mona Lisa's lips.
23. A tiny amount of liquor on a scorpion will make it instantly go mad and
sting itself to death.
24. The mask used by Michael Myers in the original "Halloween" was a Captain
Kirk mask painted white.
25. If you have three quarters, four dimes, and four pennies, you have
$1.19. You also have the largest amount of money in coins without being able
to make change for a dollar (good to know.)
26. By raising your legs slowly and lying on your back, you can't sink in
quicksand (and you thought this list was completely useless smiley:
27. The phrase "rule of thumb" is derived from an old English law, which stated that you couldn't beat your wife with anything wider than your thumb (sign of a true civilized society ... not.)
28. The first product Motorola started to develop was a record player for
automobiles. At that time, the most known player on the market was the
Victrola, so they called themselves Motorola.
29. Celery has negative calories! It takes more calories to eat a piece of
celery than the celery has in it to begin with, but it has nutrients that make it healthy to eat. (Guess what I'm buying on my next trip to the grocery store?)
30. Chewing gum while peeling onions will keep you from crying!
31. The glue on Israeli postage stamps is certified kosher.
32. Guinness Book of Records holds the record for being the book most often
stolen from Public Libraries.
33. Astronauts are not allowed to eat beans before they go into space
because passing wind in a space suit damages it (families taking long car
trips should adopt this same policy.)
Never
A list of things you should never do.
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Never eat at a place called Mom's.
Never hold a rap contest at a square dance. (thanks to Fray Pascual)
Never buy a recording of a heavy metal barbershop quartet. (thanks to Fray Pascual)
Never listen to Chubby Checker's "Let's do the Twist", when you're stuck in quicksand. (thanks to Fray Pascual)
Never play cards with a man named Doc.
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
Never offend people with style when you can offend them with substance.
Never share a foxhole with someone who is braver than you are.
Never argue with a woman when she's tired.
Never argue with a woman when she's rested.
Never stand between a fire hydrant and a dog.
Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight!
Never decide to buy anything while listening to the salesman.
Never argue with a fool. People may not be able to tell the difference.
Never use a preposition to end a sentence with.
Never argue with a man who buys ink by the gallon.
Never insult an alligator until you have crossed the river.
Never say "Oops in an operating room.
Never try to out-stubborn a cat.
Never characterize the importance of a statement in advance.
Never eat prunes when you're hungry.
Never say, "Sorry, we don't have what you're looking for." Always say, "I just sold the last one the other day."
Never use one word when twelve will suffice.
Never be the first to do anything.
Never let go of what you have unless you have hold of something else.
Never put off until tomorrow what you can put off until the day after tomorrow.
Experience
What is it?
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Experience is what you get when you're looking for something else.
Experience is the hardest kind of teacher. It gives you the test first, and the lesson afterwards.
Past experience should be a guide post, not a hitching post.
Experience is knowledge acquired too late.
Some people learn from their experiences, some people never recover from them.
Experience is what you have left when everything else is gone.
An optimist is someone without much experience.
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
Experience is knowing a lot of things that you shouldn't do.
Some people speak from experience. Some people, from experience, don't speak.
Experience is a good school, but you never get a vacation.
There is only one thing more painful than learning from experience, and that is not learning from experience.
Experience enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it the second time.
The school of experience will let you repeat the lesson if you flunk the first time.
Experience is something you have plenty of when you're too old to get the job
Things Humans Should Learn
Human beings don't come with an owner's manual, but they should.
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No man or woman is worth your tears, and the one who is won't make you cry.
Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.
A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart.
Never frown, even when you are sad, because you never know who is falling in love with your smile.
To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world.
Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one, so that when we finally meet the person, we will know how to be grateful.
Don't cry because it is over; smile because it happened.
There's always going to be people that hurt you, so what you have to do is keep on trusting and just be more careful about who you trust next time around.
You cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.
No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.
When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.
If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.
Never ask your 3 year old brother to hold a tomato.
You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
Never hold a Dust Buster and a cat at the same time.
You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
Don't wear polka dot underwear under white shorts.
The best place to be when you're sad is Grandma's lap.
No matter how much I care, some people are just assholes.
It takes years to build up trust, and it only takes suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.
You can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes. After that, you'd better have a big weenie or huge boobs.
You shouldn't compare yourself to others - they are more screwed up than you think.
You can keep puking long after you think you're finished.
We are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities.
Regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades, and there had better be a lot of money to take its place.
No matter how you try to protect your children, they will eventually get arrested and end up in the local paper.
The people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon and all the less important ones just never go away.
Never, under ANY circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved (and never will achieve) its full potential, that word would be "meetings".
There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness".
People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
And when God, who created the entire universe with all of its glories, decides to deliver a message to humanity, HE WILL NOT use, as His messenger, a person on cable TV in a bad suit, with a bad hairstyle.
You should not confuse your career / job with your life.
No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.
When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy.
Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
Never lick a steak knife.
Take out the fortune before you eat the cookie.
The most powerful force in the universe is gossip.
You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.
The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.
The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to annoy people who are not in them.
A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.
Your family and true friends love you, no matter what.
WRITE 2 ME
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