JOKE BOX
A fellow brought a new Mercedes and was out on the interstate for a nice evening drive. The top was down,the breeze was blowing through what was left of his hair and he decided to open her up. As the needle jumped up to 80mph, he suddenly saw flashing red and blue lights behind him. "There's no way they can catch a Mercedes," he thought to himself and opened her up further. The needle hit 90, 100.... Then the reality of the situation hit him. "What am I doing?" he thought and pulled over.
The cop came up to him, took his license without a word and examined it and the car. "It's been a long day, this is the end of my shift and it' Friday the 13th. I don't feel like more paperwork, so if you can give me an excuse for your driving theat I haven't heard before, you can go."
The guy thinks for a second and says, "Last week my wife ran off with a cop. I was afraid you were trying to give her back!" "Have a nice weekend," said the officer.
Welcome At Church?
Three couples one-elderly, one middle-aged and one newlywed-wanted to join a church. The priest said, “We have special requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from having sex for two weeks.” The couples all agreed and came back at the end of two weeks.
The pastor went to the elderly couple and asked, “Were you able to abstain from sex for the two weeks?” The old man replied, “No problem at all, Father.”
“Congratulations! Welcome to the church!” said the priest. The priest went to the middle-aged couple and asked, were you able to abstain from sex for the two weeks?” The middle-aged man replied “The first week was not too bad. The second week I had to sleep on the couch for a couple of nights, but, yep, we made it.”
“Congratulations! Welcome to the church!” said the priest.
The priest then went to the newlywed couple and asked, “Well, were you able to abstain from sex for two weeks?” “No pastor we were not able to go without sex for the two weeks,” the young man replied sadly.
“What happened?” inquired the priest.” My wife was reaching for a can of corn on the top shelf and dropped it,” said the young man. “When she bent over to pick it up, I was overcome with lust and took advantage of her right there.”
“You understand, of course, this means you will not be welcome in our church,” stated the priest.
“We know,” said the young man. “We’re not welcome at the supermarket anymore either.
His favorite Cat
A famous art collector is walking through the city when he notices a mangy cat lapping milk from a saucer in the doorway of a store and he does a double take. He recognizes that the saucer is extremely old and very valuable, so he walks casually into the store and offers to buy the cat for two dollars. The storeowner replies “I’m sorry, but the cat isn’t for sale.
The collector says, “Please, I need a hungry cat around the house to catch mice. I’ll pay you twenty dollars for that cat. The collector continues, “Hey, for the twenty bucks I wonder if you could throw in that old saucer. The cat’s used to it and it’ll save me from having to get a dish.” And the owner says, “Sorry, buddy, but that’s my lucky saucer. So far this week, I’ve sold sixty-eight cats.”
