ANAL INTERCOURSE: PERFORMANCE FEARS
As with the ass-person, so too with the penis-person, being of good
consciousness, open, wanting to explore and cooperate - with these,
knowledge and pleasurable sensations; touching and rubbing in
joyful ways. Once your penis is in his rectum, all this will tend
to happen by itself; just let go and explore what feels good.
If you haven't done it before, you might feel clumsy, confused;
body motions use din anal intercourse aren't used many places
outside sex, so how can you be expected to know them instantly? If
you feel uncomfortable, tell him you're exploring maybe he can help
you out.
One big worry is that you might be embarrassed, that you'll fail.
This is called "Performance anxiety:" you can't get it up, you
can't keep it up, and/or you can't carry through to climax. The
penis is sensitive to worry, like a barometer it goes up and sown
with anxiety level (among other things, such as fatigue). In other
words, if you're too upset or too unsteady, it's pretty hard to
fake it with your cock. And once you've "failed," it makes it even
harder.
But actually, this penis-sensitivity can be seen as a good thing:
it makes you be honest. There's a big difference between performing
in intercourse and sharing. I'm not writing about performance at
all - if you want to put on a show, entertain your partner and
prove your skills, go read something else because I'm not
interested in it. If you want to be together, mixing with him,
giving and taking as two growing people - then you'll want to be
honest, clear, human, yourself. And then, if you go limp, you go
limp. Big deal! That's part of being yourself at the time. You're
scared, uncertain, confused; these are important feelings; don't
deny them! People manage to get themselves into a fix by making
things worse then they are. Worries in sex are common, human
things; we all fail, including me your humble sexpert. By
discovering you can just be you, wherever you're at during the
moment, it won't matter so much; it'll be OK.
If you've tried before and failed a lot, you probably feel pretty
bad about it. "I'm a loser; ain't it awful." Well, you'll never get
over it with that attitude. What keeps people from doing what they
want is "I can't do it; I'm super anxious that I'll just fail
again." This vicious circle failure, fear of failure - needs to be
broken, and the first step is removing the emotional punch of
"failing." Examine why you see your act as a failure; you must have
had a goal in mind that you didn't reach, and this to you was bad.
Why is this a bad thing? Try looking at it from a new point of
view, seeing it neither as a bad or good, but simply as an event
which happened.
Find a friend who's willing to work on it with you, explaining that
you want to do this, but couldn't manage it in the past. Then you
can go on to break the cycle, by learning that you can enjoy
yourself. This needs trust and help from your friend, as you learn
together. First, you'll want to discover you can enjoy contact with
his rear end. when you're having sex, try inserting your finger on
or in his anus, and he into yours, especially at climax. Thus
you'll discover you can give and get extra pleasure this way. After
you're used to this, try the special position I mentioned before:
you lie on your back, and your friend straddles you at the waist,
to insert your penis in him. You don't have to move a thing; just
relax and feel it. Often the person was so worried about what to do
after insertion that he could never get that far.
Let your friend do all the movement. I you go limp, try again or
switch to something else. Make sure it's OK with you and your
friend if you go limp, since this (limp=failed=bad) can be the
biggest part of feeling like you're no good. Take time discovering
that you can be erect and be inside him. If it doesn't happen
sooner or later, you may want to just let it rest until a better
time.
After you feel comfortable being inside him. try moving. As you
begin to do this, open up to your desire. Try the side-ways
position, both facing the same way, since it won't be as demanding
as some others. Once you feel fluid and relaxed mentally, your body
will flow also. Flex it; try out your pelvis. Just move it around
any old way and see what happens. You'll probably discover most if
not all the possible movements. Thrusting is with the small of the
back (just above your ass), making your pelvis tip up and down.
You'll be rusty at first; practice makes better (dancing is also a
good place to practice).
You'll find you can move in ways that express your feelings: slow,
fast, hard, soft, simple, complex, as you like. Also it'll take
time to coordinate your movements with him; this cooperation is
learned, as you pick up each other's styles and talk about what's
good for you. If both of you are into moving at the same time,
perhaps the easiest is for you to thrust while he rotates his
pelvis. To do this try to draw an imaginary circle around your
waist with your rear end. And then there's thrusting together -
there are two ways to do it. As you push your penis deeper into his
ass, he can push against you' and then pull away from you as you
pull away from him. This is the meeting style. In the rhythm style,
you both thrust at the same time; you make the exact same rhythm.
Obviously this would never work, except that you and he don't move
at exactly the same time: one of you is "off" slightly, pushing
down a little after he pushes down, pulling up a little after, and
so on.
There's another important matter that's good to know. And this is
about forcing your friend's ass. There are two ways to have anal
intercourse as in inter-action, or as a game of force and selfish
controlling between suspicious partners. Time and again, it is the
good consciousness that matters; feeling warm, trusting, open with
your friend. With this attitude, the problem of forced entry will
never come up. But it often happens that a tight anus is rammed by
a callous or overeager partner, and this is not good. As I've taken
time to explain, the anus muscles will be as loose as the person
feels. If the anus doesn't relax, intercourse can still happen, as
the ass can be entered by sheer force. This is usually painful, and
may hurt the ass-person by tearing the rectum. You will instantly
know if you're being entered in a bad way, because it'll hurt a
lot. And that's the time to stop things.
Be gentle when you enter another person: after you're in, you can
use healthy stroking, but not at first; don't plunge in like a high
diver. You should slide in with a firm, easy pushing, If not, try
again later. the anus may not be either totally relaxed or tight:
it doesn't have to be gaping wide open - but if firm pressure
doesn't work, don't go on. The best indicator of trouble is pain -
a little is usually OK, especially of the ass-person is
inexperienced, but a lot means stop. If the penis is really large,
some extra stretching may be necessary, and this may take a little
practice for the anus to get used to. You can insert your penis in
just part way, and then withdraw, so that his anus will become
adjusted to accept this mount. The anus is very flexible, but it
may take some practice - try inserting a little, then full
insertion later, followed by gentle movements and then
finally moving as comfortable. This gradual approach, in many
matters, is usually the safest and most secure way.
From all the foregoing, it may seem like anal intercourse is a very
complex activity. But actually it's a simple thing, and comes easy
with an easy mind. It's another way of sharing bodies and feelings,
meeting and exploring the world of ourselves. It can be a way of
pleasuring, growing, loving, a nice pastime or a meaty pursuit.
