Boil pasta - shell or penne works best. Drain it and cool it slightly with warm water so it is not boiling hot. Fill it into a sock and pump away. It's WIILLDDD! If you want to eat it later, you will need to line the sock with a thin plastic bag - like the ones you get for fruit & veg
On occasions when I can't find a nice ass to fuck, I like to take a mellon, cut a hole in one end just a bit smaller than my hard dick, warm the mellon up in the microwave slightly (don't get it too hot or you'll burn you cock) then slide the mellon over my dick and work it up and down and spin it around. I've had some awesome loads this way.
When i j/o i like to hump things. Make sure no one is home because this tip is very noisy. Turn on the shower with HOT water for about 5 minutes. This will warm up the tub very nicely. Keep a little bit of hot water in the tub (not too much) then pour some cooking oil in the tub and on yourself. Make sure to lube your dick real good. Now lie down on your stomach and fuck the tub as hard as you can. The feeling is amazing, not to mention the sound of your balls "flopping and popping" on the hard tub. You will shoot your load in no time.
This may sound weird but it is HOT. What ya do is pile up 2 pillows on your bed, then unroll a condom so it's maybe 5-6 inches unrolled. Then take some shaving cream and spray it into the condom until it is about 1-2 inches full. Then put the condom on, leaving the part that is full of shaving cream hanging a lil bit. (You might want to put an elastic or something around the base of the condom so it won't slip off.) Then with your hand mess it up a bit, do some stroking, and your dick will start to get a tingly feeling. After a lil bit or whenever you want, bend over and start humping the hell out of the pillows. You'll blow your load in just a few minutes!
