1.
Bengali patient: Doc sahab, potla-potla totti aata hai, khane ko man nahin karta hai.
Doc: Yeh lo dawai, mota-mota totti aayega, jaise marzi kaat ke khana
2.
Boy: Tum gaana bahut achcha aato ho.
Gal: Nahin, mein to sirf bathroom singer hoon.
Boy: To bulaao na kabhi, mehfil jamaate hain.
3.
Biscuit maker's Luv Letter: Dear Marie yesterday was a very Good Day, our meeting was truely Nice, but the chance of our Luv is 50-50 coz ur dad is a Tiger. Will u give ur Littlr Heart 2 me? Otherwise I'll become a Krack-Jack
4.
Angry boss: Tumne kabhi Ullu dekha hai?
Executive (sar jhukate hue): Nahin sir.
Boss: Niche kya dekh rahe ho ? Meri taraf dekho.
5.
Girls Psychology - Fraud with Innocent Boys; Fun with Handsome Boys; Friendship with Charming Boys; Contacts with Intelligent Boys; Flirt with Freaky Boys; Love with Faithful Boys & in the end Marriage with the Rich Boy
6.
When I send SMS to u, it doesn't mean that u have to do the same... U can also send fruits, drinks, pizza, chocolates by courier. DD & Cheques r also accepted.
7.
Q: Agar do pipal ke Pedon ko ek rassi se bandh diya jaye to us rassi ko kya kahenge?
A: Us rassi ko bolengey NOKIA - Connecting pipal.
8.
Thought of the day: Agar aap bus pe chade... ya phir bus aap pe chade... dono marthaba ticket aapka hi kat tha hai
9.
Rabba dukh na devin yaar mere nu, saanu chahe dukhan da pahaar de de,
Phire nawe HERO JET cycle utte yaar mera, saanu bhaven purani Mercedes car de de
10.
Ek yug tha jab log apne ghar ke dwar pe likhte the: ATITHI DEVO BHAVA
Phir likha: SHUBH LABH
Phir likhne lage: U R WELCOME
Aur ab likhte hain: KUTTON SE SAVDHAN
11.
Ravan was sent to court & was asked to keep a hand on Geeta.
He refused saying: Sita par hath rakh kar itni musibat aayi! Ab Geeta pe haath nahin rakhunga
12.
J kade tera kalle da paga 10 bandeyan naal pai jaave ta mainu sad layin, main kade kisi nu kut paindi nahin dekhi !
13.
Kuri waley Munde nu: Tusi nonveg khandey ho?
Munda: Haan
Sharaab?
Haan
Drugs?
Haan
Jua?
Haan
Sab kuch negative hai, kuch positive ve hai?
Munda: Haanji, HIV+
14.
Khuda kare tujhe khushiyan hazaar mile, mujhse bhi achche yaar mile, meri galfriend tujhe raakhi baandhe aur tujhe ek aur behan ka pyar mile
15.
Gabbar: Kitne admi they?
Sambha: Sardar 2
Gabbar: Mujhe ginti nahin aati, 2 kitne hote hain?
Samba: Sardar 2, 1 ke baad aata hai
Gabbar: Aur 2 ke pehle?
Samba: 2 k pehle 1 aata hai.
Gabbar: To beech mein kaun ata hai?
Samba: Beech mein koi nahi aata>
Gabbar:: To phir dono ek saath kyun nahin aate?
Samba: 1 k baad hi 2 aa sakta hai, kyun ki 2, 1 se bada hai.
Gabar: 2, 1 se kitna bada hai?
Samba: 2, 1 se 1 bada hai.
Gabbar: Agar 2, 1 se 1 bada hai to 1, 1 se kitna bada hai?
Samnba: Sardar maine aapka namak khaya hai, mujhe goli maar do
16.
Plz pass this SMS to all ur friends. A person urgently needs 3 bottles of....
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Foster beer (chilled) with chips. It's urgent Cell no & name is as displayed
17.
People who do lots of work…make lots of mistakes,
People who do less work…make less mistakes,
People who do no work…make no mistakes,
People who make no mistakes…get promoted.
18.
What is the height of Flirting?
It's When your love letter starts with: TO WHOMSOEVER IT MAY CONCERN
19.
Kya hoga agar Pepsodent waale condom banaye to...??
Hona kya hai? Raat bhar Dishum, dishum...!
20.
Gal: Is dress ka kya price hai?
Shopkeeper: Sirf 5 kiss.
Girl: Aur us dress ka?
Shopkeeper: 10 kiss.
Girl: Dono dress pack kar do, bill dadi dengi.
21.
Ganguly’s Son: Yeh Kya, Daddy Sixer pe Sixer maare jaa rahe hain Hain?
Ganguly’s Wife: Arey beta, yeh toh ADVERTISEMENT Hai !
22.
U luv sumone... u marry sumone else. The one u marry becomes ur wife or husband & the one u loved becomes the password of your emai id...!
23.
Kudi waale pandit nu: Saanu aheja munda chahida jehra kuj khanda penda na howe.
Pandit: Aheja munda taan PGI Emergency ward ch hi mil sakda hai.
24.
Ravan ki 20 aankhein thi magar nazar sirf ek aurat pe; jab ki aapki 2 aankhein aur nazar har aurat pe...!
Toh asli Ravan kaun??
25.
Ab tak meri life ek khuli botal thi, jis mein se sab perfume ki tarah ud jata tha. Par aap ke aane se sab kuch ruk gaya. Bhagwan kare aap jaisa DHAKKAN sabko miley
26.
Baniye ki wife bimaar thi, light na hone ki wajah se usne candle jala di aur bola: Doc ko lene jaa raha hun, agar tumhe lage ki tum nahin bachogi to plz candle bujha dena
27.
A boy goes to see a cabare dance. His mom gets angry & asks him: Did u see anything there that u were not supposed to see?
Boy: Yes, I saw dad.
28.
A friend is: Who lends you...
Pen in School...
29.
In French: Bon jour
In Spanish: Te Quiro
In Italian: Teamo
In Yugoslav: Volim Te
In English: Good Morning
In Punjabi: Uth Moya Kam te nahi jana?
30.
Q: Why do all Afghans carry a piece of sandpaper?
A: Because they need a map.
31.
An old to Doc: Doc, I think I'm getting senile. Several times lately, I have forgotten to zip up.
Doc: That's not senility. Senility is when you forget to zip down.
32.
Astrologer: U'll meet a young gal who wanna everything about u.
Frog: When n where?
Astrologer: Next semester in Biology lab
33.
Bahu: Maan ji, yeh abhi tak nahin aaye, kahin kisi dusri ladki ke saath...
Saas: Arey kalmuhi, tu hamesha ulta kyun sochti hai? Aisa bhi to ho sakta hai ki kisi truck ke neeche aa gaya ho
34.
Mom: Beti badi ho kar kya karogi?
Beti: Kuch nahin... Maan banungi, padhungi, shaadi karungi... aur kya?
Mom: Jo karna hai karo par zara serial order mein karna.
35.
Teacher to class: A for?
Class: Apple
Teacher: Jor Se Bolo
Class: Jai Mata Di
36.
Monday went on Tuesday 2 Wednesday and asked Thursday whether Friday has told Saturday that Sunday is a holiday. Have a Great Sunday...
37.
Baba ji ka mela laga hai haridwar mein. Prashad mein Recharge Coupon diye jayenge. Kisi aur ko mat batana. Ye SMS sirf chuninda bhikhariyon ko bheje ja raha hai
38.
Do u know similarity between Dinosaurs and Decent Girls?
Both don't exist.
39.
Dream makes everything possible, Hope makes everything work, Luv makes everything beautiful, Smile makes all the above... So always Brush ur Teeth
40.
It takes 15 trees to produce the amount of paper that we use to write one exam. Join us in promoting the noble cause of saving trees. SAY NO TO EXAMS
41.
Teri awaz sunne ko jab taras jata hoon, to ghisa pita cd player chala leta hoon. Teri surat ko jab taras jaata hoon, to cartoon network laga leta hoon. Waqt hona chaiye kisi ko yaad karne ke liye, bahane to apne aap hi mil jate hain
42.
Red Rose: Luv
Yelloe Rose: Friendship
White Rose: Peace
Which Rose for u?
Nima Rose. Tan ki Durgandh Dur Kare, De Taazgi
43.
Kabhi kabhi mere dil mein khayal aata hai, aaj nahin aaya, kaha na kabhi kabhi aata hai
44.
Thought for the future generation: Don't marry & make a woman happy. In fact remain a bachelor & make several women happy.
45.
Ek ladka ek ladki k saath baitha tha. 2nd day doosri ladki k saath deha gaya. 3rd day koi aur ladki thi. 4th day kisi nayi ladki ke saath tha
Moral: Ladkiyan badal jaati hain, ladke nahin badaltey
46.
U r thousands of miles away from me, still I'm watching ur every movement on 3 difft channels: Pogo, Cartoon network & Animal planet. Thnx to media
47.
Santa: Tommy ne meri saari kitaab kha layi
Mother: Ohnu mere kole leke aa mein usnu saja dewan
Santa: Saja ta mein de diti, usdi kauli wala dudh mein pee gaya
48.
Indian Airlines slogan: A warm experience & motherly treatment... warm b'coz AC doesn't work & motherly because Air hostesses are above 50
49.
Who is more satisfied, a man with a million dollars, or a man with six children?
The man with six children. The man with a million dollars wants more
50.
A doting father used to sing his little children to sleep until he overheard the four-year-old tell the three year old, "If you pretend you're asleep, he stops."
51.
A French in a hotel in NY, phoned room service for some pepper.
Attendant: Black pepper or white pepper?
French: Toilette pepper!
52.
Manmohan Singh: We are sending Indians to the moon next year!
Bush: Wow! Howc many?
Manamohan: 25 OBC, 25 SC, 20 ST, 5 Handicapped, 5 Sports Persons, 5 Terrorist Affected, 5 Kashmiri Migrants, 9 Politicians & if possible 1 Astronnaut
53.
Girl's excuses: Phone mat kiya karo dear, mom hoti hai near, papa se lagta hai fear, baat nahin hoti hai clear. Isliye SMS kiya karo dear without fear n very clear
54.
What's the definition of a skeleton?
A striptease that went just too far...
55.
Naukrani: Malkin aap udaas kyon hain?
Malkin: Tumhare sahab apne office ki kisi ladki se pyaar karte hai.
Naukrani: Nahin, sahab mujhe dhokha nahin de sakte
56.
Train mein TT Sadhu se bola: Kahan jana hai?
Sadhu: Jahan Ram ka janam hua tha.
TT: Ticket hai?
Sadhu: Nahin
TT: Chalo
Sadhu: Kahan?
TT: Jahan Krishan ka janam hua tha.. Jail mein
57.
Girl: If u'll try to kiss me, main shor macha doongi.
Boy: Lekin yahan to dur-dur tak koi nahin hai.
Girl: I know but formality to karni hi padegi…
58.
Gud Morning... Kindly observe SILENCE for two minutes in the memory of those poor mosquitoes who died last night after sucking ur blood. Thanks
59.
I'd climb the highest mountain. I'd swim the ocean blue, I'd do anything my dear- Just to get away from you
60.
A sexy woman is like a 1000 Rupee note. U don't know how many have handled it but u still want to have it.
61.
When things go wrong, when sadness fills ur heart, when tears flow in ur eyes, always remember 3 things: I’m with u, U have money & Bar is open
62.
In a class, teacher asked: If I buy an item@ 12.75 n sell@15.25, it's loss or profit?
Pappu: Profit in rupees & loss in paise
63.
Some dead people went to hell & were glad after seeing the board on gate. Why?
Because it reads: NO SEATS EXCEPT FOR SC/ST/OBC
64.
I have started luving 'U'... I know it sounds ridiculous but I can't control my feelings 4 'U'. Some time later I'll start luving more ALPHABETS.!
65.
Once in a jungle all the animals were eating PAN PARAG PAN MASALA
But girraffe was not eating. Why?
Because Oonche log oonchi pasand MANIKCHAND
66.
1980 girls: Maan mei Jeans pehanungi
Maan : Nahin beti log kya kahengey?
2006 girls: Maan mein mini skirt pehanungi
Maan: Pehen le beti kuch to pehan le!
67.
At a Rly stn a gal cheked her weight-58 kg
She removed sandal-56 kg
Then removed jacket-53kg
Then dupatta-52 kg
Coins khatam.
A baba in q behind her said- Beebe tu kam chaalu rakh, bhaan batheri hai babay kol
68.
Similarity between Gandhiji & Mallika?
Dono ne kapde tyag diye, ek ne desh ke liye, doosre ne Deshwasion ke liye!
69.
Ap ki awaz KOYAL Jaisi, Aankhain HIRAN Jaisi, Chaal MOR jaisi, Aadtain BANDAR Jaisi. Acha hota agar koi ek cheez Insanon Wali Bhi Hoti
70.
A woman had triplets, she named them Mat, Pat & Tat. She fed Mat from left tit, Pat from her right tit...
Moral of the story: No Tit for Tat
