-i dont do drugs. I get the same effect by standing up fast.
-how come america chooses only 2 people to run for president and 50 for miss america?
-snowmen fall from heaven unassembled
-the worst thing about accidents in the kitchen, is eating them
-stress is when you wake up screaming and then realise u havent fallen asleep yet.
-i saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'guess on it, so i said: "implants?" she hit me!
-isnt having a smoking section in a restaurant like have a peeing section in a swimming pool?
-the early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse the cheese.
-everyone has a photographic memory some just dont have film
-women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans
-if practice makes perfect and nobody's perfect, why practise?
