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-≈JOKES & FUN≈-
COOL SITE Ntw.LtD.
© 2010-2011
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(New)
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Talk To Him
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The man approached a very
beautiful woman in a large
supermarket and asked "You
know, I've lost my wife here in
the supermarket. Can you talk to
me for a couple of minutes?"
Woman: "Why?"
Man: "Because every time I talk to
a a beautiful woman, my wife
appears out of nowhere."
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[New]
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Holy Water
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One day there were four nuns in
line for confessional.
The first nun said, "Forgive me,
father, for I have sinned."
He asked how.
She said "I saw a man's private
part." He told her to wash her
eyes with holy water.
The second nun comes in and
says, "Forgive me, father, for I
have sinned."
He asked how.
"I touched a man's private parts."
He told her to wash her hands in
holy water.
Then he heard the third and
fourth nun fighting. He asked
why they were fighting.
The fourth nun said, "I'm not
going to wash my mouth in the
holy water if she is going to sit in
it."
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(New)
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BOY FRIEND
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A 5-year old boy went to visit his
grandmother one day. While
playing with his toys in her
bedroom while grandma was
dusting furniture, he looked up
and said, "Grandma, how come
you don't have a boyfriend?"
Grandma replied, "Honey, my TV is
my boyfriend. I can set in my
bedroom and watch it all day long.
The TV evangelists keep me
company and make me feel so
good.
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WHAT'S SO FUNNY
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A blonde had just gotten a new
sports car and was out for a drive
when she accidentally cut off a
truck driver. He motioned for her
to pull over. When she did, he got
out of his truck and pulled a piece
of chalk from his pocket. He drew
a circle on the side of the road
and gruffly commanded to the
blonde, "Stand in that circle and
DON'T MOVE!"
He then went to her car and cut
up her leather seats. When he
turned around she had a slight
grin on her face, so he said, "Oh
you think that's funny? Watch
this!" He gets a baseball bat out of
his truck and breaks every
window in her car. When he turns
and looks at her she has a smile on
her face. He is getting really mad.
He gets his knife back out and
slices all her tires.
Now she's laughing. The truck
driver is really starting to lose it.
He goes back to his truck and gets
a can of gas, pours it on her car
and sets it on fire. He turns
around and she is laughing so
hard she is about to fall down.
"What's so funny?" the truck
driver asked the blonde. She
replied, "Every time you weren't
looking, I stepped outside the
circle."
-----oOo-----
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Blonde In Trouble
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A blonde, brunette and a redhead
run to the top of a burning
building. Below, a few firefighters
are holding a blanket telling the
redhead to jump.
When the redhead jumps the
firefighters snatch the blanket
away and she hits the concrete.
When the firefighters ask the
brunette to jump she jumps and
again they pull the blanket away.
When the firefighters ask the
blonde to jump she replies, "I
don't trust you, so just put the
blanket down and back away."
-----oOo-----
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Tragedy
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Once George Bush Jr. visited an
elementary school to talk to a
group of 3rd graders. He said to
them, "Today we are going to
discuss the difference between a
tragedy, a great loss and an
accident".
Then he said, "Can anyone give me
an example of a tragedy?"
A little boy raises his hand and
says, "If a kid runs out in the
street after a ball and gets hit by a
car."
Bush says, "No, that would be an
accident. Can anyone else try?"
A little girl raises her hand and
says, "If a busload of kids drove
off a cliff."
Bush says, "No, that would be a
great loss. Come on, anyone else?"
A boy raises his hand and says
and says, "If you and Mrs. Bush
was on a plane and it blew up."
Then Bush says, "Well, Yes, but can
you tell me why it would be
considered a tragedy?"
And the little boy says, "Well, it
wouldn't have been an accident,
and it sure as heck wouldn't have
been a great loss."
------o0o------
°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°
*Picky Cannibals*
°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°
Two cannibals, a father and son,
were elected by the tribe to go
out and get something to eat.
They walked deep into the jungle
and waited by a path.
Before long, along came this little
old man. The son said, "Ooh dad,
there's one." "No," said the father.
"There's not enough meat on that
one to even feed the dogs. We'll
just wait."
Well, a little while later, along came
this really fat man. The son said,
"Hey dad, he's plenty big enough."
"No," the father said. "We'd all die
of a heart attack from the fat in
that one. We'll just wait."
About an hour later, here comes
this absolutely gorgeous woman.
The son said, "Now there's
nothing wrong with that one dad.
Let's eat her."
"No," said the father. "We'll not eat
her either."
"Why not?" asked the son.
"Because, we're going to take her
back alive and eat your mother."
----o0o-------
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PAIN
=========
A young woman went to her
doctor complaining of pain.
"Where are you hurting?" asked
the doctor.
"You have to help me, I hurt all
over", said the woman.
"What do you mean, all over?"
asked the doctor, "be a little more
specific."
The woman touched her right
knee with her index finger and
yelled, "Ow, that hurts." Then she
touched her left cheek and again
yelled, "Ouch! That hurts, too."
Then she touched her right
earlobe, "Ow, even THAT hurts",
she cried.
The doctor checked her
thoughtfully for a moment and
told her his diagnosis, "You have a
broken finger."
-----o0o-----
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CHECK UP
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A man goes to his doctor for a
complete checkup. He hasn't been
feeling well and wants to find out
if he's ill. After the checkup the
doctor comes out with the results
of the examination.
"I'm afraid I have some bad news.
You're dying and you don't have
much time," the doctor says.
"Oh no, that's terrible. How long
have I got?" the man asks.
"10..." says the doctor.
"10? 10 what? Months? Weeks?
What?!" he asks desperately.
"10...9...8...7..."
---------o0o---------
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DOCTOR&PATIENT
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Doctor: I have some bad news and
some very bad news.
Patient: Well, might as well give
me the bad news first.
Doctor: The lab called with your
test results. They said you have
24 hours to live.
Patient: 24 HOURS! Thats terrible!!
WHAT could be WORSE? What's
the very bad news?
Doctor: I've been trying to reach
you since yesterday.
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