Anyone else getting weird emails from the Inland Revenue urging them to please look at their file attachments or is it just little old me? Quite why the taxperson - who granted had a sexy voice the last time she rang me up asking for money and threatening me with prison - wants me to look at anything never mind file attachments is beyond me.
Earlier, in an effort to solve this conundrum, i rang up a few celebrities for advice, as you do. Geoffrey from ´rainbow´ gave a somewhat cryptic response - ´´taxi for hoover!´´ - which led me to think my use of taxis was itself incurring extra taxes and i get a lot of taxis so maybe because of my use of taxis i was being asked to pay more taxes which seems unfair as many more people use many many more taxis than me and their taxes are unaffected. ´´hmmm...´´ i mused.
Then i contacted massive-foreheaded geordie annoyance Ant from tv´s Ant and Dec but his response was incomprehensible. I think it had something to do with ´´wheat´´ - perhaps these tax shenanigans are inspired by my wheat intake i.e my well documented penchant for having four shredded wheat in the morning? ´´hmmm....´´ i mused once more, while becoming increasingly uneasy at the knowledge celebrities apparently have about my personal habits.
Then, i proceeded to contact eternopregnant shrill voiced tv harridan Davina McCall but her tones caused me to slam the phone down before she managed to shed any new light on what was fast becoming an old puzzle.
My musings continued with the by now customary ´´hmmm...´´ before in a flash of inspiration it came to me - i was being taxed on my love of sheep. This made me extremely happy - official recognition at last! So good am i at what i do, the goverment considers me a taxable commodity!
To be this good takes ages. To be this good takes premature pattern baldness and an inherent liking for the texture of wool and the taste of mutton.
