I was disappointed.U dont believe me.Why u dont want to tell me his number.I felt there is something in ur life which is not accessible.I afraid i might lose u one day.I better stop myself right now.I stopped recieving ur calls.I sent sms:dont call me.I know u can live without me.I wanted u say:no,i cant live without u but u never said this.
22 june
Once he said"agar tum kabhi naraz ho gaye to main manaane ki koshish karungaa."
but he stopped calling.I was helpless.Obviously,he can live without me,and i am continously thinking about him.my whole life become concentrated on one person.I couldnt think anything due to fever.I sent some sms but he is stonehearted.he never called me.i was depressed.I didnt want to hurt him,i didnt want to lose him,i didnt want to forget him.but what can i do?
23 june
another day passed.at last i called him.He behaved like nothing happened.I was still angry."i just wanted to hear you as you said you want to talk once"
"tum ek baar mann banaa lo,tumhe baat karni hai yaa nahi."
These words were like knife ,my all feelings burnt away with these dry words.He want to say,"baat karo ya naa karoo mujhe kuchh farak nahi padtaa."
"dhamki de rahaa hai?"i said.kuchh samajh nahi aa rahaa tha kya response doon.
"aise ghatiya words mat bolaa karo.i am above these kind of feelings"he said
my brain become blank.I said'"ok.i have decided.Mujhe baat nahi karni"
i disconnected the phone.He called me again.I picked up,i dont know why.I wantecd all this to be over,sab kuchh pahale jaisaa ho jaye!
I said everything but he was not feeling his mistake
"i told you i like 3 thinks in you,you trust me,you never hide anything ,you never tell a lie.but now you dont trust me,you tell lies,you hide many things."i said in clear words.
"meri galti kahaan hai?"he was still not understanding.
"All these things are not impotant for you but they are important for me."i said
"i try to think about the other persons point of view but you dont even try."he complaint
I thought everything is normal when you sent sms last night. i decided not to talk about these things.I know you cant live without me."he said
'maine tujhe kitni baar clearly kahaa mujhse kuch mat chhupaya kar.tu bahut achhaa hai per main itnaa achhaa nahi hun.mere liye ye cheezzen importence rakhti hain."i said
At last he get ready to give his number but i refused."agar tu pahle ready ho jaataa to ye sab naa hotaa.mujhe pataa hai tu asli number de rahaa hai per main isska kyaa karungaa.bhaad me jaaye sachin,wo jiye ya mare mujhe iss se kya.mere liye tu important hai.but dont try to hide anything in future.i went to your home to tell you everything about me but now i have to start from begining again."i said
he replied"koi baat nahi.take your time"
once he said ,when my phone was not working"mere pass sirf ye phone hi to hai.agar ye bund ho gayaa to main kya kar lunga.kuchh dinon tak ro lungaa bus."
but now i feel he Wont do this.I mean nothing to him.I am so small.
i told him that i am ill.Infact agar main ill na hotaa to shayad ye sab naa kartaa.
i dont want to hurt him.i dont want to lose him.i dont want to forget him.
But what can i do?
