20 june
He was in home now.I told him that i will come to his home tomorrow.He welcomed the idea.He told me to come as soon as possible becouse he has to go to somebodies home.I promised to come around 1:00 pm.
21 june
He called me ar 9:00 am and told me that he dont have any phone today.his mobile is not working and bua is going to office.I told him that ask bua to call me if i make a miss call to know the way to his home.
PAR ISSKI ZARURAT NAHI PADI.
I reached his home.I rang the bell of 3rd floor by mistake.1st floor owners tried to stop me as i was not familier with anybody,but when i mentioned BONI and the operation,they allowed me to go upstairs.
and there was him.
smiling,welcoming.It was so nice.
There was nobody in home except old chai ji.All members were gone for some funeral.
Heasked me to put off shoes but i refused.He offered me cold drink,limka (remember at nehru place ).I was not feelong happy as he was taking so much pain in this situation for me.He cutt the fruits(kharbuza and mangoes)and told me that he love kharbuza.
i told i like mango more,actually i like both,last time when mom bought both fruits then i ate kharbooza ,not mango.
He was happy.
I saw the photographs of his mom,dad,sister,Amjad,Meenakshi and some other persons.I clearly mentioned that meenakshi is not beutiful,"ye tere laayak nahi hai"
He tried to support her"is photo mein dekh,kabhi kabhi photo achha nahi aata..."
i said"i told na,she is not good for you.i will not change my words."
He stopped the topic.
I recognise Amjad becouse once he told me that everybody say he is not good looking but he thinks he is very handsome.
actually he is the ugliest person in the whole group.I was feeling that he is very clever person who used this innocent guy,who is still in love with him.
He told me many things about him"we used to sleep here,he used to wear my clothes,once we slept there,there was another guy with us,i used to hold him tightly...etc etc"
I was feeling so bad."you still love him"i said
he replied"ab to uski shaadi ho gai hai!"
He was accepting in this way that he still love him.I was helpless.i couldnt replace him.I am a looser.And that clever,cheater is more close to the person i love most!
I was angry but i never expressed my feelings to him.He told me about some old friends who met him in the last couple of days."jal rahaa hai?"he asked.
"no.I know there is no need of this.But if there arises any such situation,i will kill you."i replied.
Wo amjad ke baare mein bataa te hue sharmaa rahaa tha.usne apnaa face haathon se chupaa liya.I cant forget that moment.I wanted to hold him in my arms so pessionately and want to kiss him all over his body,i want to tell him that you are the most precious person in m y life but....
there is one guy between us.
AMJAD
he told me that amjad called him last week.
this guy used to tell everything once upon a time,and he fogets such big things now.Obveously,he dont want to tell now or dont feel need to tell such SMALL things!
Then his father came.He asked"aap kahaan se?"
i replied"i am from south ex"
he clearified:"he lives so far thats why he came first time to see me."
when his father went away,he asked:"what is your real name?"
"arun"
"pakkaa na?I told your name hari to bua."
"tell her that you used to tease me by calling hari in school"
Another proof that he dont believe me.
I asked in which school he studied.
"mamta model,in vikaas puri up to 8."
I asked"why you were angry before operation?"
he replied"nothing,you dont call me,thats why."
"ab to nahi hai na?"
"nahi."
I told him that i am ill and hungry,i will go to my friend at janakpuri to eat.I was teasing him.Maine apanaa face wash kiya.
I took his mobile and try to see his friend sachins number.But i dont know the functions of his mobile.
i just wanted to tease him by showing that i knew his friends number,becouse once he asked if i knew sachin.I wanted to strenghten this thought to tease him.I am devil.I want to tense him in this situation!mujhe sharam aani chahiye.but i couldnt find sachins number.
Then i made a mistake.i asked him .
"what is sachins number?"
he refused .I insisted.another mistake.
He again refused.I clearly told him that i just want to know becouse then i will feel that you believe me.But he refused again.I was feeling so bad.This guy,dont believe me.I love him so badly,and a phone number is more important to him then me.I told him that i wont call him.But he dont believe me.I was shocked.MEIn issi din se dartaa thaa,jab meraa illution tootegaa ki main usske liye sabse important hoon.
"i deleted his number"he was making white lie.
'ok.give me phone as you deleted his number"i said.
now he had to accept that he was JOKING!
Bus yahi kami thi.ab to ye mujhse jhooth bhi bolne lagaa.
He prtended that he want to give his number.
'ab koi faaydaa nahi.jo nuksaan honaa tha wo ho gayaa."i said
Actually,he thought i would call him and try to sale cd.He Told me last week that he had a Gcd which sachin not returning.when he told me this,i was shocked becouse he never mentioned before that he has such cd.He told me that it could possible that sachin call me and try to buy becouse he says he lost his cd.
he told me that i shouldnt recieve any unknown call or tell him the same.I promised.
And now he is thinking that i am interested in sachin.
I wasnt.I just wanted to feel important.If he give me number on a paper,i will tear that paper in front of him,without opening that.But he was not ready to hear me,to understand me.
I was sad.I was hurt.I wanted to run away from his life.I wanted to give strenght to myself ,I want to proove to myself that he is not the most important person for me.Jab Isske liye main important nahi to mere liye bhi ye important nahi.
I asked him to give permission to go.He insisted to stay.I was breathless.I dont want to stay,,,
He asked me to sit closer. refused.I know,this is not right but i was helpless.He tried to keep his head at my lap,i refuse."tu iske laayak nahi hai"
I never behave so rudely to anybodyBut i have to.I was feeling so small,so meaningless...i am nothing for this guy!he tried to see my bag but i refused.
I said"you have to face cosiquences,aur tujhe aaj hi pataa chal jaayegaa."
par uspe koi assar nahi padaa.He was so determined,i mean nothing to him.i am nobody in his life.MAIN RAHOON YAA NAA RAHOON,USPER KOI FARAK NAHI PADEGA!
I ran away from his house.He came to leave me at door. mujhe gale lagaya.I ran away.Peechhe mudke dekhaa ek baar,pataa nahi kyon.
Infact i didnt want to leave him.i wanted him to stop me,mujhe roke,manaaye,
i want to sit and see him continuesly.i wanted to hear him.
parr jab maine kahaa:jaaun?
he said:ok.
so i had to leave him.
I came to my home.I was thoughtless.I was ill that day.I was hungry.I got fever and cough same day.KUchh samajh nahi aa rahaa tha kyaa karun ki usse apani galati kaa ehsaas ho.at night,when he called me,I didnt pick up the phone.I can live without him.i wanted to prove this.
He sent sms that he want to talk to me once."usne bhi chhod diyaa tha,tumne bhi chhod diyaa"
I replied back "dont call me.dont send sms.main tumhare laayak nahi hoon.I know you can live without me."
i wanted him to say"no.i cant live without you"but he remained silent.
