Last night i saw him in dream.I have seen him 2-3 tims in dreams but always foget what i saw.But this time i remember everything.I dont believe that dreams gives sigonals about future events or they become true but i believe that if you are thinking about something too much then that thing will come in your dream.
"i saw that we are going together towards some place.suddenly one college going girl comes and ask about the way to that place towards which we were going.Somehow she knew that we are going also at the same place.She asks that she also wants to go with us. We both decide silently that we will hide somewhere so that we could escape from her.He runs to escape her but she runs after him and i run towards opposite direction ,butnot to escape that girl but to escape from him.When he finds that i am not with him,he runs in the my direction.I am going towards a huge subway and after that i reach in an open area.I knew that he will come there.And soon he come there.He is searching me and I welcome him smilingly and say that i was waiting for you here."
whole day i was waiting for him and Chating with him in imgination.badi mushkil se roka khud ko use phone karne se.Khud ko hazaar baar maarnaa padaa.But he didnt sent even a sms.I was remembering that i asked him a photograph of him.He doesnt know that i am asking photo for this site.He said that he doesnt know how to operate scanner!when i suggested that he could ask his Bua for this ,he again tried to escape"she also dont know"
I said"You have scanner in your office and you both dont know how it is used!"
Than he understood that he cant escape.He replied"perhaps she know,when you will come in office ,i will try."
I tell lies but he also.
Yesterday i called him from a tata mobile.He is not so innocent as i want to think.When i met him first time in motibagh,He gave me his own number.At that time i saved his number in a tata mobile.I wasnt knew he will notice this.
When i went to his office and we were walking in the park,I showed him some sms.He commented"ye mobile kahaan se aa gayaa?us din to tumhare paas tata wala mobile that?"
I was very surprised.He give attention to all big-small things!
I know he must have been noticed this also that i had made a call from a tata mobile LEKIN USNE KUCHH POOCHHA NAHI.
I saw my dead mobile every haif an hour.KAHIN USNE SMS TO NAHI KIYA.but i disappointed always.
I was telling him many things in imagination.
"i was right and you were wrong.I always told you that there is no such thing like true friendship or life long relationship.Kuchh bhi hamesha ke liye nahi hota.Tum kahte they main hamesha aisa hi rahunga.Tum chaahe mujhe bhool jao per main nahi badlung.
Now see yourself.Vhale hi tum khud ko dhokhe me rakne ke liye samjhate raho ki tum nahi badle ho per sachhai yahi hai ki tum badal gaye ho.
I always said that when i consider someone mine,i take him granted.Then I never think about his feelings.I decide many times that i will not hurt his feelings but it is not in my hands.I cant control my heart.And you also cant change situations.You decide hundred times that you wont change but its not in your hands.Noone is so strog that he could change his thinking.
Thats why you cant be the same person i love.
AM i the same person?
ya.
i am same person becouse you never knew my real personality.I never told you anything about me.I always told you that i dont believe in permament relationships.I always accepted that i tell lies always.Thats why i say this,i am the same person for you.Becouse if you remember,we had some agreement that you will never ask anything,you will never hide anything,you will not impose any condition on me.
Think,who violated this.
I am not thinking that this agreement was a good thing or any relationship could exist on conditions but you gave me that freedom and this freedom is important for me.I appreciated you for this openmindness,for this dedication toward an unknown person.This quality of you motivated me to love you.This is one of the basic reasons why i love you.Aur agar besic reason hi gaayab ho jaye to uske ooper khadi imaarat kaise tik sakti hai!
I dont know typing.PHIR BHI MAIN YE SAB TYPE KAR RAHAA HUN>You can imagine how much time,energy and money i am speding for this gift.This was your birthday present but now i believe this is my good bye present.
And i also think that now this is meaningless for you.Becouse you cant understand the feelings and imotions that are attetched to this gift.Now you will just see this and forget it.You could feel two type of imotions after readin this.
1.you will feel satisfaction and accepted.You will feel great when you find that there is someone who loves you and you somehow left him,before he could leave you as someone else did.
2.You will feel sad after reading the story from the point of view of me,and you will find out that you lost that person who loves you most in this world.
I want to tell you ,this is true.I am one of the most honest person in relationships and in society.I never let my friends to leave me.I try my best.Then why i am doing this?
I told you already.I am feeling that you dont need me anymore.I am feeling you are igonoring me.I am feeling that you are hiding many things from me.And most inpotant thing.I am feeling You Dont Love Me.
Dont think you will meet me and everything will be all right.After leaving you,I will refuse to even recogise you if we meet somewhere.
And dont consider all this true.I also remind you about the movie CHAMELI.I want you to use your mind to reach to any conclusion.It could be true ,it could be lie.
DO you remember what is written on my mobile's screan?
Do you got your answers?
if you want to say something,you can send e mail by clicking E MAIL TO ME section.Usethis information to enter:
login:gaydost
password:delhi
I could see your mail within a couple of seconds if my mobile was working but you know it is dead.So i have to go to the internet to see your mail .It could take one day,two day or one week,i dont know.But i want to assure you,your mail will definitly reach to me ."
thats it.This is all i was thinking for the last 2-3 weeks.I dont know when i visit your office and give you the website address.i think i will write it on a piece of paper and put it in your purse,if you allowed me to do this becouse now i dont know you could give me your perse or not.
LETS HOPE FOR THE BEST.
