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42.LOST A FRIEND




Dear Dr. Luv:
A very close friend of mine has met a man online. They have been chatting online and on the phone for roughly a month and a half. They are already saying they are "madly in love with each other"

These men haven't even met in person, but my friend will be flying there soon for a long weekend.

Through expressing my disapproval of this situation, I have lost my friendship. I don't want to see my friend hurt, but now I also want to find a way to get back in her good graces. What should I do?


A:

Apologize (verbally and in writing), either until your apology is accepted or until you can't apologize further. Tell her that your inappropriate comments came out of your desire to see her not get hurt but that you realize you acted thoughtlessly.

In the future, I suggest keeping this sort of disapproval to yourself unless you think your friend is putting herself in real danger of some kind. (For instance, if I had a friend who was flying off to meet a relative stranger, I might make sure I had the address of where she would be staying, and I might ask her to promise to call me for a "check in" -- even if it was just to let me know that her plane had landed safely.)

But you can't prevent your friends' broken hearts -- you can only be there, with a sympathetic ear and perhaps a bottle of tequila, to help them heal. Of course, there's nothing wrong with counseling caution in matters of the heart, but when a friend tells you that she is madly in love, the best thing to do, usually, is to be happy for her (or to pretend to be).

Dr. Luv


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