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72.Intro to Fucking, Positions

Intro to Fucking, Positions & Barebacking

Fucking Introduction For the high majority of gay men, what we do with our dicks defines us and - love it or loathe it - fucking is inextricably linked with that. However, there is an assumption by many gay men that all gay men fuck and it's the sexual practice around which everything revolves. Even if it's true it doesn't mean you have to fuck or made to feel there is something wrong if you don't. There are guys have never tried it and really don't care if they don't, and some guys who have tried it and don't like doing it. There are those who think it's overrated or just feel that the risk of HIV is too great. Not fucking doesn't mean that you can't or don't have a fabulous sex life. So, ask yourself the question: do you really want to fuck?

If you're getting fucked you get the pleasure of getting your arse massaged from the inside and your prostate gland taken on an all-expenses-paid holiday to the destination of your choice. If you're fucking - you get to have your cock rubbed and massaged into heavenly oblivion. We can change roles and start again. Not bad really. It is emotional and we can be overwhelmed. It brings us together and we can feel as one. It allows us to dominate and to submit. It releases us and tells us who we are. It can be some of these things, all of them or something else. Even better.

Oh, I thought you wanted to fuck me...

If you're fucking with a new partner it may be sensible to agree who's doing what. Some guys use hanky codes and keys as a clue to what they want, but they're not always accurate. Some of us can be upfront and ask; others, particularly if they're versatile, will simply go with the flow. Granted, there is something to be said for not asking 'who's going to do what?' on the way home - it can seem planned, predictable, and tacky. Equally, if you only want to fuck or get fucked and your partner wants likewise then you either have some serious negotiation to do or you may as well put the kettle on.


Cover our fingers when we put them up our own arse but they should be washed thoroughly if they are then going up anybody else's. The same applies if you finger someone else first and then want to finger yourself. Alternatively you can use a finger-cot (a condom for your finger) with a new cot used on each partner. You may only be able to obtain these from sexual health clinics and chemists. If you are using condoms, your cock should only go up one arse with each condom. If there's more than one arse on offer, use a fresh condom. Similarly, if you're using gloves a new glove should be used with each partner. The same applies to dildos and toys. Getting into the habit of always using a condom on a dildo (whether you're by yourself or not) will also give you repeated opportunities to practise putting on and taking off condoms.

Irritants like soaps and laxatives cause diarrhoea, and their long-term use will damage your arse. Blood, cum, and shit may be infected with HIV and other sexually transmitted infections like hepatitis, gonorrhoea, syphilis and herpes.



Positions Exactly how we fuck or get fucked is a matter of personal choice, although we usually have a favoured position derived from five basic positions:


Lying on the stomach with the other lying (partially / fully) on top.
On the knees (doggy style), bent forward, with the other kneeling behind.
Lying on your back with legs raised either side of the other or resting on his shoulders.
Both lying on your side one behind the other.
Sitting on top (and/or slightly raised) of the other guy who is lying on his back.

Sitting astride your partner who's lying beneath you allows greater control, while other positions can make the person getting fucked more vulnerable. You can always change later. Make sure condoms and lube are to hand unless you have talked through the issues and taken the decision not to use them.


To help relax you and your arse, ask your partner to lubricate his finger and gently massage the entrance to your arse. When you're ready, say so - he can then slide a finger into the arse hole and massage the anal canal, eventually putting two fingers inside.
Sit astride your partner placing his cock against the entrance of your arsehole. At this point, he should do nothing more than nuzzle or rub the opening gently. Stay in this position until you feel suitably relaxed.
Ideally lower yourself on to his cock, drawing it into the anal canal. This can be made easier by pushing down as if you are opening your arse to shit. It may not sound it, but this can be very horny for both of you.
The anal canal can stretch greatly but will contract automatically when pain occurs. This will happen if he enters too quickly and it's said that a considerate partner can be gauged by the care he takes when entering someone. If you encounter any pain or discomfort, lift yourself off completely, catch your breath and decide whether you want to try again.
Once he's inside you, ask him to lie still until you get used to the feeling of his cock inside you. You may to wish to tighten your bottom sphincter muscle around it. This can be an intense sensation for both of you. He may lose his erection - this is quite natural. Take time to help him get up some steam again.
You'll probably begin with slow movements. If you want him to do the work, you may need to raise yourself slightly to give him enough room to move his cock in and out of your arse.
At this point, the cock will be stimulating the anal canal which is touch-sensitive, and the rectum which can sense movement. Depending on the depth and angle of the thrusts your partner will be able to stimulate your prostate gland on the other side of the rectum wall.
The thrusts will usually become deeper and faster but they don't need to. Develop your own rhythm and communicate to each other what you want.
Combined with what's already going on in your anal canal and rectum, stimulating the prostate gland may encourage you to cum. This may be exactly what you want but you may also find that you cum too quickly.
Remember you can take a break or stop at any time.
Longer cocks will sometimes knock into the top sphincter muscle causing some discomfort or pain. Relaxing the top sphincter muscle will allow the cock to pass through into the bottom part of the sigmoid colon.
If you're being fucked on your back, the cock can knock against some of the nerves around the bottom of the spinal cord, which again can cause discomfort to the person being fucked. Similarly, if the cock knocks into the prostate gland, the same will happen.
Not everybody who fucks has to cum to enjoy them selves.
If you're getting fucked, your erection may come and go. This is quite natural


Barebacking

The term 'barebacking' first appeared in a 1995 edition of Steam magazine. In an editorial Scott O'Hara, a gay man with HIV, said: 'I'm tired of using condoms and I won't, and I don't feel the need to encourage negatives to stay negative.' Like a tinder-box to brushwood, a fire swept across the USA with accusations split between 'irresponsible idiots ' and 'condom Nazis!' - with not much in the middle - and it wasn't long before the issue jumped across the Atlantic and landed on European shores.

What's clear is that most of us understand barebacking as some kind of fucking without condoms. Most men use condoms most of the time. That said, condom-less shags are nothing new - they were going on before HIV, they will be going on tonight, and there is no reason to think they won't continue tomorrow. It can be difficult to measure up to expectations created by ourselves, other gay men and HIV prevention workers. If two guys decide to fuck without condoms there will always be someone who will be critical or damning. However, we should be mindful of their informed decision.

Some UK HIV prevention agencies have responded to this new word, producing campaigns and resources which talk about it. Unfortunately, this is a prime example of ill-thought out campaigning since a clear definition has not been forthcoming. If they haven't actually worked out what they really mean - how can they communicate their concerns intelligently? This lack of clarity has only served to confuse gay men.

It's too easy to think of men who fuck without condoms as stupid, foolish or irresponsible. Lots of us have lots of reasons for having sex without condoms. Sometimes this leads to HIV and STI infection and sometimes it doesn't. The point is we need to talk about our desires, fears and concerns, explaining what we really mean. Otherwise we risk talking at cross purposes and that seems to be what is happening at the moment. The barebacking debate is set to continue with plenty of fuel to add to the fire as some HIV-positive, HIV-negative and untested gay men continue to openly seek condom-less shags. We need to ask ourselves why we might want to fuck without condoms, what the risks might be and whether we are prepared to taken them.

Fucking without condoms

More often than not we don't use condoms:


Because of who we are with eg someone we love, someone we think is more attractive than we are, someone we assume is HIV negative or HIV positive, like us.
Because of where we are having sex eg a rush job in the club loos.
Because of how we are feeling eg 'when I'm sad I want him to show me how much he loves me,' 'because I'm up nothing bad can happen to me.'
Because of the situation we find ourselves in eg 'he's taking the lead, I can hardly ask him to use a condom.'
Because we've been drinking or doing drugs eg 'it'll be okay, anyway I don't care, I can't remember what a condom is!'

Often it isn't until later that we begin to worry about it. We can blame it on the sunshine, the moonlight or even the boogie, but whatever the reason, it was your decision.

So what could unsafe sex mean for you?
A whole range of sexually transmitted diseases can be passed on by unprotected fucking.
It puts you more at risk of getting, or giving hiv.
If you are hiv positive, getting an STI is the last thing you need. They are often difficult to treat, they increase your viral load and put a greater strain on your immune system.
If you fuck with someone on anti-hiv therapy you may become infected with a strain of hiv which is resistant to some of the anti-hiv drugs (and there aren't that many drugs available).
If you are hiv positive already, it puts you at risk of re-infection with a more serious strain of hiv.

There may be times when sex without condoms is less risky, what you need to know is when and how.


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