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77.Fetishes

Doing It - Fetishes
A fetish is an object, substance, or part of the body that turns us on but which is not necessarily sexual in itself. Despite what you may think we all have them... or at least one... however small. The list is endless, and here are a few examples: aftershave, alleyways, arse cheeks, athletic men, beards, beefy men, beer, biceps, boots, trainers, boxer shorts, braces, calves, cashmere, changing rooms, check shirts, chubby men, clubs, cock cheese, cock rings, corduroy, dark rooms, dirty underwear, DM boots, dog collars, ear rings, ears, enemas, eyebrow piercings, flared jeans, gas masks, jeans, feet, fingers, goatee beards, hair, chests, hands, harnesses, jockey shorts, jockstraps, jogging pants, lean men, leather waistcoats, Levi jeans, nappies, nipple rings, nipples, nurses uniform, sweat shirts, piss, plastic, rubber vests, rubber, shaved balls, shaved heads, shit, showers, sideburns, silk, skinheads, sports logos, stocky men, stubble, suits, sweat bands, sweat, tall men, tattoos, thighs, thin men, toes, toilets, water, white socks and work boots. These are just the tip of the iceberg. You are challenged to find not one of the above a turn on! While gay men don't have exclusivity, we have used fetishism successfully to re-define traditional aspects of masculinity. Of course society sends a message that fetishes are unusual or wrong - even perverted - but that's never bothered us before. Just think of them as additional opportunities for sexual enjoyment. Fetishes can also encompass sex - guys who are turned on in a major way (sometimes exclusively) by a particular practice - sucking cock, nipple play or fisting, for example. While this may seem to restrict their sexual repertoire, it's a personal choice which they have chosen to acknowledge and use to their advantage and if they're getting the pleasure they desire - then that's their business.

Fetishes can also extend to dress codes such as military or skinhead uniforms, rubber, leather and plastic clothing. Clubs cater for an increasing range of fetishes such as big guys, sports and gym wear, rubber and S/M with strict dress codes to attract aficionados rather than a generic crowd. This can be disappointing because you don't have to belong to any type of dress code to enjoy fetishes! Some men wear the gear just because it's comfortable and makes them look good and because dressing a certain way will get them into clubs where they are more likely to find the guys they find attractive. As to where fetishes originate - there are theories about early childhood and sexual experiences and stuff like that, but a satisfactory explanation has yet to be found. Besides, does it really matter?

Sometimes it can be difficult to tell a partner about a fetish - there's always a possibility that they might laugh, find it absurd, be turned off or refuse to participate. Given that we all have something the reticence is understandable but absurd. It's a little like 'I'll show you mine if you show yours'... but no one's prepared to make the first move. While some guys will share fetishes it's more usual that one guy will have a particular fetish while the other is relatively neutral. That's not to say that the neutral party can't be swayed or intrigued but it's a considerate guy who is prepared to indulge his partner. If he's happier, then you're happier and you both get something out of it. Besides, who knows what might happen? The important thing is not to over-analyse it, spare yourself unnecessary guilt and be true to yourself. Denial can only cause frustration and disappointment although coming to terms and accepting what really gives us a buzz can be difficult particularly if there's a loaded moral perception that it's unnatural or not normal. While meeting guys on the scene can be a hit-and-miss affair, personal advertisements, phone lines and the internet provide increasing opportunities to be honest and explicit about what you're into and reach someone with whom your fetish or interest resonates.


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