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Blondes | seahelper


Blondes
Are You Really Sure?
A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, ´Wanna hear a blonde joke?´
In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, ´Before you tell that joke, you should know something.´
Our bartender IS blonde, the bouncer is blonde. I´m a 6´ tall, 200 lb black belt. The guy sitting next to me is 6´2´, weighs 225, and he´s a rugby player. The fella to your right is 6´5´ pushing 300 and he´s a wrestler. Each one of US is blonde. Think about it, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?´
The blind guy says, ´Nah, not if I´m gonna have to explain it five times.´
*****
Blonde Car Accident
One day, while a blonde was out driving her car, she ran into a truck.

The truck´s driver made her pull over into a parking lot and get out of the car.
He took a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the pavement. He told her to stand in the middle and not leave the circle.
Furious, he went over to her car and slashed the tires.
The blonde started laughing.
This made the man angrier so he smashed her windshield.
This time the blonde laughed even harder.
Livid, the man broke all her windows and keyed her car.
The blonde is now laughing hysterically, so the truck driver asks her what´s so funny.
The blonde giggles and replies, ´When you weren´t looking, I stepped out of the circle three times!´
*****
Breast Stroke
There was a competition to cross the English channel doing only the breaststroke, and the three women who entered the race were a brunette, a redhead and a blonde.
After approximately 14 hours, the brunette staggered up on the shore and was declared the fastest. About 40 minutes later, the redhead crawled up on the shore and was declared the second place finisher. Nearly 4 hours after that, the blonde finally came ashore and promptly collapsed in front of the worried onlookers.
When the reporters asked why it took her so long to complete the race, she replied, ´I don´t want to sound like I´m a sore loser, but I think those two other girls were using their arms...´
*****
Alligator Shoes
A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.
After becoming very frustrated with the ´no haggle´ attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, ´Maybe I´ll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!´
The shopkeeper said, ´By all means, be my guest. Maybe you´ll luck out and catch yourself a big one!´ Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator.
Later in the day, the shopkeeper was driving home, when he spotted the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he saw a huge 9-foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She took aim, killed the creature, and with a great deal of effort hauled it on to the swamp bank. Lying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper watched in amazement. Just then the blonde flipped the alligator on its back, and frustrated, shouts out, ´Damn it, this one isn´t wearing any shoes either!´
*****
Bad Blondes, Whatcha Gonna Do?
A blonde and a brunette are out driving, and the brunette tells the blonde to look out for cops - especially cops with their lights on. After they´ve been driving for a while, the brunette asks the blonde if she´s seen any cops.
´Yes,´ says the blonde.
´Are their lights on?´
The blonde has to think for a moment, then says, ´Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No.´
*****
Banana Peel
A blonde walks down the street and sees a banana peel a hundred yards ahead, and she sighs.
´Here we go again.´




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